How many people fall in to this captive mindset? If we want a sure-fire way to sabotage a friendship, it is enveloped in placing unrealistic expectations on others. Have you ever placed great pressure on a person to come through and be there for you? I've done it, but I've also experienced that pressure placed upon me from others. Many times we think the above quote about others way too often."Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are."
In my not so distant past, I was faced with the decision to address and confront some issues in a friendship I had with someone. Can I tell you it was difficult, as a matter of fact ... it was gut wrenching and I hated every minute of it! I despise confrontation because I don't want to hurt anyone. I lost sleep over it. The result? This person ended their friendship with me and now snubs me every time she sees me. It's hurtful, it's wounding and it's just not fair. I confronted with gentleness, I did it in love, I had the right attitude and yet ... the result was this. This person likes to confront, but doesn't like to be confronted. What does that tell you about someone? It tells you that they have been hurt and wounded and have alot of anger inside of them from unresolved issues in their lives and truly needs healing. That's what it tells you.
But what I had to come to terms with was that I did what I felt was right. I took it to the Lord, I prayed about it and in the course of my decision to confront her, I continued treating her very respectfully whenever I seen her and always made sure that I spoke to her in passing. THEN ... after the confrontation ... my world was rocked. She became very curt, angry, not speaking to me and I began to see bitterness and unforgiveness raising it's ugly head in her. To this day, she is still angry at me and I have released it to God. I realize that I cannot control how people react to me, but my responsibility is to walk in forgiveness, love her and pray for her and that's exactly what I do. Relationships are very peculiar, especially relationships between women. Some women can be very mean spirited. I don't just say that nonchalantly either ... it's true!
The bottom line is that we must come to the realization that people, first of all, were never meant to, let alone capable of ... ever filling that God-shaped hole inside of us. People will hurt us, God will not. I will never forget my last phone call with her. I told her we could start over and begin building that trust back up. I shared with her that I had forgiven her completely and even apologized for avoiding her ... as she had perceived I was doing to her prior to the phone call. Her perception was one thing and the truth was another. I wasn't avoiding her, I was trying to figure out how to address this situation. Anyways, needless to say, she doesn't speak to me to this day and I understand that perception and truth can sometimes be worlds apart based upon how our mind deciphers it.
Whenever people don't meet our expectations and needs, or namely in this circumstance, don't overlook something that needs to be addressed ... here's what happens:
- We distance ourselves from them physically
- We distance ourselves from them emotionally
- We withdraw mentally
So here's what I want you to understand. Don't be too hasty to write someone off, just because you get mad at them. or you get your feelings hurt. Look at this way ... we've all done enough to God for Him to write us all off, but He hasn't even considered the thought! Treat others with respect. Don't belittle who God created them to be. They are your brother or sister in Christ, whether you choose to look at it that way or not? Is between you and God. Everyone has worth and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
Until next time,
Coach Tracy :)
Email me at: tracy@egbnow.org
Visit my website at: www.egbnow.org
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